... When we last left Amanda... No, just kidding... Isn't that what they used to do in the sitcoms when they had a to be continued episode...
After college, I got an internship in a city away from home. I lived with a girl who I had a crush on. Never made a move on her (too nervous, only came close when we were drunk). However, she went to a different for a permanent job interview. I stayed up all night wearing her clothes, walking around outside in our apartment complex (a huge thrill). There was massive guilt after the rush of course, when after hours, but I try on her clothes a couple of other times when she was out of town.
I moved to a different city down south after that and had my own place, but only dressed once - at this point I was in my early 20s and really struggling between my CD feelings, a lack of self-confidence with girls, and the feelings of what I should be and do to get what I wanted - a wife and a family. So like I said, I only dressed once - I went out and bought the stuff and came home and dressed. After another long dressed session the guilt got to me again. I threw it all away and went out drinking with some friends. But when I got home, thinking about dressing got to me, and I jumped in the dumpster to get those clothes. Had another dressing session, felt the guilt, and got rid of them for good this time.
I went to graduate school, which was a lot like college - no dressing. Got a job in New York City and moved there. I started ordering stuff from Frederick's. I would occasionally have dressing sessions, though not all the time. Always ended with the guilt and questions. But I didn't purge - I kept my stuff and expanded my collection over time. I think the lack of purging was my first bit of acceptance that this was part of who I was.
By this point I was in my late 20s and working long hours. Feeling the pressure about marriage from family and from myself, I made a concerted effort to date. some but couldn't find a spark with most girls. I figured I would never have a girlfriend, so I started thinking about taking the first step to really CDing seriously - shaving. I bought more clothes and started dressing much more often, but always in private.
But it was at that point that my future wife reached out to me - she made the first move - again, self-confidence issues and fear of rejection on my part made me paralyzed in this department. I knew her from school, but she lived away. But was persistent and we went out a few times when I was in the area. She came and spent a weekend. There was a big spark between us. We did the long distance thing for about a year and a half - I put my dressing aside when she was there of course, though I would fantasize about being dressed when we made love. A long distance relationship was really the perfect situation for a closeted CD like me who was still struggling with acceptance and so couldn't envision telling my girlfriend about this. Eventually, we got engaged (I did have the guts to propose) and married. I threw my collection away out of fear she would find it. Did no dressing, but I would look at sites when she wasn't around.
About a year and a half after we were married, our first child was born. That Christmas, they flew home early while I was going to drive later. I went and bought some stuff and had a field day, but of course then threw it all away. That happened a couple more times in the next couple of years, during which we had another child.
I moved to a different city down south after that and had my own place, but only dressed once - at this point I was in my early 20s and really struggling between my CD feelings, a lack of self-confidence with girls, and the feelings of what I should be and do to get what I wanted - a wife and a family. So like I said, I only dressed once - I went out and bought the stuff and came home and dressed. After another long dressed session the guilt got to me again. I threw it all away and went out drinking with some friends. But when I got home, thinking about dressing got to me, and I jumped in the dumpster to get those clothes. Had another dressing session, felt the guilt, and got rid of them for good this time.
I went to graduate school, which was a lot like college - no dressing. Got a job in New York City and moved there. I started ordering stuff from Frederick's. I would occasionally have dressing sessions, though not all the time. Always ended with the guilt and questions. But I didn't purge - I kept my stuff and expanded my collection over time. I think the lack of purging was my first bit of acceptance that this was part of who I was.
By this point I was in my late 20s and working long hours. Feeling the pressure about marriage from family and from myself, I made a concerted effort to date. some but couldn't find a spark with most girls. I figured I would never have a girlfriend, so I started thinking about taking the first step to really CDing seriously - shaving. I bought more clothes and started dressing much more often, but always in private.
But it was at that point that my future wife reached out to me - she made the first move - again, self-confidence issues and fear of rejection on my part made me paralyzed in this department. I knew her from school, but she lived away. But was persistent and we went out a few times when I was in the area. She came and spent a weekend. There was a big spark between us. We did the long distance thing for about a year and a half - I put my dressing aside when she was there of course, though I would fantasize about being dressed when we made love. A long distance relationship was really the perfect situation for a closeted CD like me who was still struggling with acceptance and so couldn't envision telling my girlfriend about this. Eventually, we got engaged (I did have the guts to propose) and married. I threw my collection away out of fear she would find it. Did no dressing, but I would look at sites when she wasn't around.
About a year and a half after we were married, our first child was born. That Christmas, they flew home early while I was going to drive later. I went and bought some stuff and had a field day, but of course then threw it all away. That happened a couple more times in the next couple of years, during which we had another child.
After delaying a house purchase for years thanks to get burned by the real estate crash, we bought a house and some property with privacy. When my wife went home with the kids again, I spent a couple hundred dollars buying stuff on amazon and took the dressing to a new level, spending basically the whole time dressed and creeping around the neighborhood at night. I even bought makeup and tried. It was such a
thrill (pics from that weekend are on flickr - no face pics because my makeup was terrible - I had no idea what I was doing and looked like a cross between a clown and the bride of Frankenstein). Unfortunately, I was worried about being discovered and threw all the stuff away. But I have bought a few things since, which I still have and have hidden away, and that I wear occasionally when she is out.
To be concluded in Part 3 (all the best movie series are trilogies... Ha... Too much hubris, Amanda ) Amanda's trip to Femmefever
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